Hakagure Seduces A Cactus and Eats it
by danganronpacreepypasta
Summary: Hakagure has an Intense romance with a cactus and a subplot where the students need a new pet. Find out what happens more in this sexy thrilling story with Romance, Tragedy, and Murder...
It was just a normal day at Hopes Peak Academy. The birds were singing, the teacheres were teaching, and Togami certainly had something up his ass more then usual (and no its not a fucking cactus or dildo you sick fucker now SHIT OFF) . The members of the 78th class were attending home room. The teacher was not attending class today and so he left Kiyotaka Ishimaru, The Super High School Level Hall Moniter in charge (the sick fuck probably smoking a doubee the FUCKER).

Kiyotaka read the teachers instructions carefully. His hand writing was just awful...even for a teacher god damn. It said in smudge writing: Pick out a class pet or something I don't fucking care.

'A class pet?' Ishimaru thought to himself, when suddenly Leon Kuwata raised his hand,

"What do you need Kuwata? The nurse again I presume?" Ishimaru said

"Nah man, I visited her BEFORE class like you said. But dude i gotta pop a turd, so can I uh...ya know?" Kuwata signaled to the bathroom pass. Mondo who was next to him, looked disgusted at him.

"What?" Leon said "When a man has to do a square dance with his Aunt at a JC penny, i aint gonna stick around with cream corn in my pants, know what im saying?"

"Oh my god just get the fuck out of here Kuwata." The gang leader said annoyed. "And that cream corn reference better not been about me because if I here one more fucking food reference about me im gonna slaughter a Bitch."

"CALM DOWN BOTH OF YOU" Ishimaru said trying to calm the feud. "Before we do anything I have an annoucement!" he said getting the classes attention.

"Who died and made you queen?" Junko sneered, painting her toenails on the desk.

"Honestly our home room teacher hasnt even been here in a week so you would think he died...or something." Hakagure spoke from the back.

"He is NOT dead. Stop stiring up such strange rumors..." Ishimaru said looking back at the paper. Naegi raised his hand.

"You got that wrong! I was at his funeral last week!" Hakagure interupted AGAIN.

"Nah man, That was room 205's home room teacher, he choked on a radish my guy. I saw Mr. Whats his face in the teachers lounge smoking up a hot, fresh d-"

"CAN I JUST READ THE PAPER!" The hall moniter fuded. Everyone was silent except for Junko who was doing that really snotty prep girl thing where she chews her gum way to loud.

"Our Instructor requests that we pick out a class pet! So anyone have some ideas?"

Mondo jumped from his seat. "HOLY SHIT! LETS GET A DO-"

"No Mondo. No dogs."

"WHY THE FUCK NOT?"

"Dogs are distracting and do not belong in a class room."

"Fuck you."

Ishimaru furowed his brow, wrote up a detention slip, and stuck it to Mondo's forehead. Mondo growled as Celes and Chihiro giggled behind him.

"Alright. Now no dogs, cats, or magical talking horses, YES HIFUMI I SEE YOU. PUT YOUR HAND DOWN." The comic artist sadly put his hand down.

"Um, excuse me?" Chihiro Fujisaki the tiny programmer raised her hand. "Ishimaru...we already have a class pet, her name is Percila!" Chihiro pointed over to the small cactus over in the back sitting on the window seal.

"Chihiro...we need a real pet. Thats alive and not boring."

"You Dumb Mother Fucker, Percila is alive and well and the best damn fucking pet that this class has ever had Shes brought you all sunshine and good vibes and you all IGNORE HER. I'm the only one who takes care of her, feeds her, talks to her, and waters her. Fuck you all ! Percila deserves better then you ass clowns." The programmer took the tiny cactus and Middle Fingered the entire class. She soon walked out with a "hmp!" and slammed the door shut. Everyone was pretty shocked.

"Um...alright...any other...suggestions..." The hallmoniter said still recovering from the programmers rant.

After a few minutes the Swimmer Asahina Aoi, raised her hand. "How about a fish!"

Ishimaru smiled 'finally...a normal answer...'

"Yes! That seems do-able! I think a fish would make an excellent member to our wonderful and...strange class!"

The programmer walked back inside, "Um hey, I hope you guys a-arent mad at me for saying such harsh words...I'm really sorry..."

Hakagure was suddenly behind her (wtf when did he leave) and picked up the cactus.

"Woah! Sexy Snack Time!" he took a bite of poor Percila and he felt nothing. Just cactus juice. Chihiro's eyes were dead as Hakagure handed back the cactus to her. "Yuck, must be diet flavored."

The programmer began to cry and she ran out of the class room holding her poor cactus. Celes, Asahina, and Sakura ran after her to comfort the grieving girl.

"CHIHIRO DARLING WAIT! DONT DO ANYTHING RASH!" Celes shouted overdramatically as usual.

"YEAH IF YOU RUN TO FAST YOU'LL DIE!" asahina said idk

Everyone just kinda stared at Hakagure like he had lobsters coming ouf of his ears.

"YOU FUCKING CONDOM! HOW COULD YOU MAKE CHIHIRO CRY LIKE THAT! YOU FUCKING DRY ASS BUTTHOLE!" Mondo threw him out the window, taking Togami with him. They landed on the head masters car. Jin was not pleased that day.

Alls well that ends well...except for Chihiro's poor cactus.

 _Rip Percila the Cactus_

 _2013-2016_

authors note: yeah i cant write but rate or something and if oyu didnt like it well i dont really fucking care


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